No More

For the last two and a half years I have been living in this apartment building. There is no manager on site so I have done things like take care of the recycling, help other tenants, generally clean up and things like that. But I have had it. The final straw came yesterday.

About eight in the morning I heard some activity around the alley. I had put out the recycling bins the night before for the city to pick up the next day. I looked out my window and the owner of the building was putting other things out. Mainly a large bundle of cardboard that had been sitting by the reclycling for close to a week. I let him know that the city won't pick up the big pieces and he commented that I hadn't cut it up. There was no where to put it, our recycling was full so I was leaving it until it was picked up. He moved it and looking over the scene I realized that something wasn't right. So I got dressed and went down to take a look.

I had to reorganize a few things, throw things out that the city won't pick up and just put things in the right bins. This only took about fifteen minutes but I am continually picking up after everyone. Then, as I was walking back into the building I passed the owner. He made a comment that he was going to buy me a big knife to cut down the cardboard. I told him not to bother but that he owed me.

Later the city picked up the bins and I went down to put them back where we keep them and to cut down the big bundle of cardboard. I got really frustrated when I realized that the bundle wasn't even from our building, it was from one of the owner's other money making properties. I don't get anything for all the work I am doing. I am disabled by MS and trying to create a new life for myself through my writing and maybe motivational speaking. I got so angry that during the half hour it took me to cut the cardboard into sizes that the city would take that I was in tears. I came back upstairs and threw my hat across the room I was so angry.

Why is it that when someone takes it upon themselvesto help out that others end up using them?A few months ago I wrote a note that was addressed to the tenants of this building and I outlined the rules for recylcing and asked for their help. Following proper procedure I showed it to the manager first. The manager took it and said she had some details on another matter to add to it then would distribute it. So much for that. I guess she expected me to continue being a slave as well.

I was so upset that going for a walk and listening to music didn't help. I bought some rum and a liquor and returned home to make some important decisions. I am the one that people in this building seem to come to if they need sewing done, need to borrow something or with any little problem. As I said earlier I don't get anything for these actions either. I see the tenants having barbecues and parties outside but I am never invited. I am good for their servant but not to socialize with. And though it started formulating in a alcholic haze I came to the conclusion this morning that I have to say NO MORE!

From this moment on I am not going to take care of the building. I will take the recyling to the curb the night before pick up but that's it. I will no longer cut down boxes. Nor will I clean up after anyone else. And if someone needs sewing or a favor go knock on another tenant's door.

I have a lot to accomplish in my life and I do believe in helping others but there comes a time when a person has to realize that she has to take of herself first. I am doing that now. Wish me luck.

TAGS:independence, Karen Magill,recycling,tenant,apartment,advantage

Social Networks

Sites like MySpace, Twitter, Facebook and such can be so much fun. You can track down people you haven’t seen or heard from in years, you can post information about your newest ventures, hopefully help advance your business and make new friends. Some have even found the love of their lives on these sites.Yes, there are a lot of positive aspects to social networks.

On the flip side there are many negatives too. We forget that many of the people we are communicating with and that we consider to be friends may not be. We only know what they are telling us and they could be lying. Even those acquaintances from decades past may not be who you think they are. We warn our children not to reveal too much and not to let anyone know the minute details but what about the adults?

How many people will tell their online friends at MySpace or Facebook that they are going to be out of town for a week or two? Those ‘friends’ already know what city you live in and may know your full name. I am sure that there is a way that hackers can get that information though I don’t know how. Or perhaps you talk about the latest purchases you have made. Someone could be sitting there, reading, keeping stock and just waiting for you to let them know when you will be home and when you won’t.

Posting pictures is fun. You want the online community to see how much fun you had at that party over the weekend so you post the picture of you almost flashing the camera. Or pretending to moon everyone. You have also applied for your dream job though and, unknown to you, your prospective employer is also a member of the community. Or someone they know and your scandalous photos are seen as well as your ribald comments. Perhaps the employer does a little more thinking before hiring you. There have been reports of similar situations happening.

So we have to avoid the temptation to share too much or to go wild on the Internet. Everything posted will be there forever and could come back to haunt you.

TAGS:social networks, Karen Magill,Facebook,Twitter,MySpace,employer

Listening

Many of my posts are now becoming my reflections on life and how I feel about getting through life’s little hurdles. Or big hurdles depending on what happens and how we take it. I am not trying to tell anyone what to do – that isn’t my right – especially since I know that I have some of these faults myself. Maybe if I talk about it and others share their responses we can all get to a better world.

Today I wanted to speak on the lost art of listening. This is an art that I am not proficient in. Many times in a conversation I will react to something someone has said and later I will go over the conversation in my mind and wonder what really happened. There are times that I know I am only partially listening because I am focused on what I am going to say. Considering the negative reactions I have received from others, and that I have experienced, it makes me wonder how many wars have been started due to not hearing the other person or misunderstanding them?

Sometimes people seem to be so quick to react to things that are said, or perceptions of what others mean and those quick actions can cause a lot of trouble. Especially when the original meaning is lost. People misspeak all the time – things they mean to say come out wrong.

More importantly though are you listening to yourself? Sometimes when we lash out at others it isn’t them we are angry with but rather something in our own lives. That person just chose the wrong moment to speak to us.

We spend so much time quelling our inner selves so that we present an appealing front to the public. And there are times when our inner beings have just had enough. They want to be free, they want to be heard but when they emerge in certain situations and cause trouble. Writing our feelings out is one way to let that being be heard at the right time. Venting our frustrations in exercise also provides a release and activities like meditation can calm it.

Do you have any ideas on sharing your life with your inner self? Or do you have story to tell about when that unpredictable being emerged? I want to hear from you.

TAGS:motiviation, Karen Magill,life lessons,motivation,frustration,feelings

Idol Worship

As a society we like to put our heroes on a pedestal, to raise them above the common folk. Strangely though we also seem to like it when that idol falls off the perch. And the harder they fall, the more we seem to like it. If that was all there was to say it would be tragic but then we realize that once our heroes have fallen we love it even more when they rise again.

This attitude is what has made the ‘Rocky’ movies so popular. From the ultimate underdog to winning the title and in the sequels Rocky had to make a comeback. The fans are cheering for this guy who first had nothing then made it to the top then loses it for whatever reason and has to make a comeback. It is an age-old story that is featured in many books, plays, movies and life.

Like on Sunday. I watched the premiere episode of the reality show ‘Confessions of a Teen Idol’. The participants are Jeremy Jackson and David Chokachi of ‘Baywatch’, Billy Hufsey of ‘Fame’, Jaime Walters of ‘Beverly Hills 90210’,Christopher Atkins from ‘The Blue Lagoon’, Adrian Zmed known for ‘T.J. Hooker’ and ‘Grease 2’ and Eric Nies of MTV’s ‘The Real World’ and ‘The Grind’. The show is hosted and produced by Scott Baio who is best known as Chachi from ’Happy Days’ and fellow former child star Jason Hervey. This is a show that has an aim to not only give the public a glimpse into what fame is like but also to hopefully give these seven celebrities a chance at a new type of fame. Naturally it will contain the drama that makes reality TV so popular but it has something else. Viewers have the opportunity to see if a former teen idol -whose star has dimmed due to the fickle public or the celebrity’s own actions – will be able to make a dramatic comeback and be back on top of that field. ‘Confessions of a Teen Idol’ has the elements of a successful show – the underdog trying to succeed against seemingly impossible odds.

When an underdog succeeds when everything is against him or her it gives people hope that we can achieve what we want. Most of us have been in the position of the underdog and we can relate. When our idols fall from the lofty pedestal, we are reminded that they are human too and we take solace in that. When we watch someone who has fallen rise to the top again it gives us hope and reminds us that we can do it too. After all if someone can screw up their lives so badly in the public eye – as some have - then come back from it all to succeed again, what can’t we make substantial gains in our lives? It is inspiring in so many ways.

So the next time I am reading the headlines of a celebrity scandal sheet at the supermarket checkout line I am going to try to remember the celebrity and the misdeed. Then wait to see how long it takes them to get back in the public and media’s favour.

TAGS:motiviation, Karen Magill,life lessons,Jeremy Jackson,David Chokachi,Confessions of a Teen Idol,comeback

Different Entertainment

Last night I attended a gala unlike many that I have ever been to. At the W.I.S.E. Hall in East Vancouver the Screaming Chicken Theatrical Society put on the Taboo Revue, a Burlesque Variety Show. It was a night of humor, dance and frivolity that was enjoyed by a packed house.

The evening started with a bawdy parody of one of the famous dance scenes in ‘Dirty Dancing’ that not only set the audience to laughter but also set the tone for the rest of the evening. The crowd started cheering and by the end of the evening I am sure there was more than one sore throat.

Many of the costumes were elaborate and, true to the days of old theatre, some were made by the performers themselves. The hours that must have been spent behind sewing machines and applying the smaller details by hand is remarkable. It shows just how dedicated the performers are.

As many of you know I participate in the burlesque aerobics class on Monday nights and that class has given me an idea as to how difficult those dance moves are. But you would never know it by the dancers on the stage. They made everything look so easy.

There were over twenty participants in the show last night and everything seemed to proceed smoothly, like clockwork. One skit led into the next and it was sad when I realized how fast the night went. All too soon I had to go out into the night cold and start the short journey home. I am looking forward to going to another show.

TAGS:burlesque, Karen Magill,Screaming Chicken,W.I.S.E. Hall,East Vancouver,Dirty Dancing,bawdy parody

Dealing with Others

One of the most difficult aspects of living a life is dealing with other people. At least I think it is for me.

We have all run into those people who think they know everything. No matter what the topic this person is an expert and has no hesitation about lecturing you on it. And you are supposed to sit there like a child and soak in their opinion with appreciation that they are spreading their knowledge. Never mind that many times the facts being stated are wrong therefore the opinions and advice are based on misinformation and are unreliable. But you can’t tell the person that since their mind is usually closed to information that contradicts what they think they know.

Have you ever dealt with those who profess to live a clean, morally correct life yet you know that he or she is spreading rumours and causing trouble for others? These people will many times blame outside sources for the mishaps in their lives and fail to see how their own actions have rebounded on them.

The whiners and/or complainers are another source of frustration for many of us. These are the souls who find fault with everything. Who cannot see what they do have in life and moan the fact that they don’t have everything they want or are not where they want to be.

If you are like me and are trying to keep a positive outlook on life the above-mentioned characters, as well as others, can wear on your resolve. You find yourself getting angry with those telling you what to do and the others can just bring a dark cloud over your day. It is difficult to remain upbeat and positive about that around you when you are being bombarded with negativity.

Avoiding these people is not always a solution. Most everyone has good qualities as well as bad and annoying ones. It may be difficult to find those qualities and/or to understand the reason for the offensive behaviour. In order to exist and prosper in this society as well as be a rounded individual, we need to associate with other people.

In most cases no one has the right to tell someone else what to do. Just as the know-it-all doesn’t have the right to tell us what we should be doing, thinking or feeling we do not have the right to tell them to adjust their behaviour. Maybe that person is actually suffering from feeling inferior for some reason and this is their way of gaining power. If we can just remember that the other person is trying to help and is probably dealing with their own issues then maybe we can feel a bit more open to the advice.

Those who are constantly telling us that what is wrong with life obviously have been disappointed. Granted many of us have not been overjoyed with some aspects of our life and we get past it but the whiners and such have fallen into the habit of focusing on the negative. They are unable to see what good there is in their lives and if you point out, they will downplay the good. There is nothing really we can do - or nothing I have figured out – besides let them blow off steam and then try to get back to your positive atmosphere. These kind, like the hypocrites I do try to stay away from. It is much easier that way.

I won’t like everyone I meet because everyone is so different. And that’s okay. It would be a pretty boring place if everyone had personalities and habits along the same lines. But just like I don’t like others trying to change me, I have no right to change others. Remember that we cannot control the actions and attitudes of others only how we react and who we are.

Do you have a solution for dealing with those who fall into one of these categories or another annoying one? If so please leave a comment and tell us. Or just leave a comment.

TAGS:motiviation, Karen Magill,life lessons,people,getting along,compassion,positive

When Life Isn't Fair

As we travel through life there are a few truths that become evident or at least should. One is that life isn’t fair – it never has been and never will be and if someone told you it was then they lied.

There will always be less talented, less qualified individuals that get ahead of those who are better suited. Perhaps the ones getting ahead know someone or the person has something appealing in personality or looks that the more qualified person doesn’t. As well there will always be nepotism and favouritism wherever people are involved.

This does not mean that those without the connections, the outer beauty and/or the special knack for pleasing others should give up. It also doesn’t mean that it is always one of the above-mentioned factors that leads to one person getting ahead instead of the more qualified. Maybe the more qualified person just isn’t right for that upper position.

Yet complaining about how unfair everything is, how your life should have turned out better or how you did everything you should and therefore your life shouldn’t be like this is useless. Especially if you are complaining to someone who has suffered as well and may have taken some harder knocks than you.

We all make decisions about where we want to be in life and how to get there. Some turn out the way we want but many don’t. Ask a lot of adults if their life has turned out the way they had planned and most will say it hasn’t. Occasionally it does but that is rare. However that doesn’t mean that the life turned out bad.

The young woman who wanted to grow up, get married and have a house full of children looks at the calendar and realizes she is almost forty and nothing has happened the way she wanted. However she has fallen in love and she is pregnant. She isn’t legally married but that is fine. She has someone who loves her and a child on the way. Her journey to get to this point isn’t what she imagined yet it is satisfying. She is getting what she wanted in a different way.

It may be difficult at first when you are passed up for a promotion you feel you richly deserve, when you are diagnosed with a chronic illness that will severely change the course of your future, when a marriage that you are putting everything into is falling apart and for a short time it is natural to be depressed and to experience feelings like self pity. But don’t hold onto that negativity for too long or it will have long lasting, harmful effects on your life. Instead reassess where you are in life, where you want to be and how you are going to get there. You may find that what you once considered to be the most damaging occurrence in your life is actually turning out to be a positive and life affirming experience.

TAGS:motiviation, Karen Magill,life lessons,fairness,life affirming,self pity,qualify